


Ciri Science and the Idiot syndrome

by TinyThoughts



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alive Aiden, Funny, Getting Together, Jaskier | Dandelion In A Dress, Jealous Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Lambert is a little shit, Lambert x Aiden, M/M, Oblivious, Pining, Yes they are a thing, but im so friggin funny, ciri is on a mission, ciri loves creating mischief, ciri science, eskel gives the best hugs, heck yeah he is alive don't touch my cat, idiot syndrome, jaskier knows how to bellydance, lambert wants in, many shorts, oh my god someone stop me now, so am I, there is one braincell, they are so dumb, tumlbr posts, vesemir is a fan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 8,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27046396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyThoughts/pseuds/TinyThoughts
Summary: Ciri: I need you to wear this tonight.Jaskier: Again? Wasn’t last week enough?Ciri: it’s for science. I need more data.And thus the Idiot Syndrome testings starts.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 406
Kudos: 533





	1. The dress test

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Deutsch available: [Ciris Untersuchung des Idioten-Syndroms](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28190295) by [wingedpuppyface](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedpuppyface/pseuds/wingedpuppyface)



> Ciri is a smart girl. She will get to the bottom of this. Hopefully the fools will see it too C:

**Ciri:** I need you to wear this tonight.

 **Jaskier:** Again? Wasn’t last week enough?

 **Ciri** : it’s for science. I need more data.

 **Jaskier:** Oh alright. Im gorgeous in it anyway.

~

Later in the dining room.

_*Jaskier appears with one extremely lowcut and not at all childfriendly dress*_

**Geralt:** _*choke* *splutter* *blush* *basicly dead*_

**Ciri:** _*mumbles and scribbles*_ 0.3 seconds to notice. Heartrate and breathing affected. Idiot syndrome detected. Further studies needed.


	2. The Bard Butt TM

**Ciri:** Jaskier, could you follow me please.

**Jaskier** : ??? Uh. Sure?

**Ciri:** _*leads them into Geralts study, carrying a clipboard*_

**Ciri:** Please help. I can’t reach this thing fallen on the floor. So inconvenient. Please help.

**Jaskier:** _*shrugs* *bends over to pick up that thing*_

**Geralt:** _*gets a real nice view of Bard Butt TM.* *having a small mental breakdown* *turns into that specific shade of red that is specific for Emotion Overload*_

**Ciri _:_** _*hums and scribbles*_ Interesting. Idiot symptoms intensifies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *evil cackle from the writing chair*


	3. The massage test

**Ciri:** Can you do me a favour?

**Jaskier:** Anything for you my princess~

**Ciri:** Geralt is looking so stiff these days. I think he could use a massage.

**Jaskier:** Oh no, we can’t have that, can we!! Geralt!!!

_*Jaskier finds Geralt by the dining table* *starts talking to Vesemir and putting his hands on Geralts neck real smooth*_

**Geralt:** _*bluescreen* *stiffer than fucking ever* *witcher torture going on* *isn’t this supposed to be relaxing?!*_

**Ciri:** _*scribbling and humming*_ Subject number two oblivious. Idiot syndrome seem contagious. Further tests needed.


	4. The hug and cutlery test

**Ciri:** Eskel! My favorite uncle!

 **Eskel:** _*squint*_ What have you done?

 **Ciri:** First of all, rude. Second, I suggest a trade.

 **Eskel:** Im not gonna like this, am I? Alright, what do you have in mind princess.

 **Ciri** : A bottle of Geralts finest dwarven spirit and you hug the bard.

 **Eskel:** _*more squinting*_ What’s the catch?

 **Ciri:** You hug him in front of Geralt.

 **Eskel:** Ohohoho I like you! Alright, I will put my life in danger for this. If you get me one with Raspberry flavour.

 **Ciri** : Deal.

~

Later in the dining hall.

 **Eskel:** _*Approach Jaskier with arms wide* *wraps Jaskier in a huge, bestest, warmest hug* *holds him long and close*_

**Jaskier:** Oh! Oh thank you Eskel, how sweet of you!

**Geralt:** _*bends and breaks and melts the poor poor fork in his hands*_ Hm.

**Ciri:** *scribbles and hums* Subject is showing the predictable symptoms. Need to buy new cutlery.

(Vesemir is in the corner just smirking. He thinks this is so fucking funny)


	5. The princess test

**Lambert:** I want in.

 **Ciri** : _*looking up from clipboard*_ Sorry, what?

 **Lambert:** Whatever it is you are doing, it seems hilarious and I want in.

 **Ciri:** _*tapping her chin with an ink stained finger* *giving herself a really lousy beard*_ Alright. I know just thing.

~

Training court, Geralt is showing Jaskier some good dagger moves, having a bit of a moment.   
Lambert approachens with big steps, Ciri is hiding behind some hay bales.

 **Lambert:** _*grabs a squeeling Jaskier and throws him over the shoulder*_

 **Geralt:** Lambert what the fuck?!

 **Ciri:** _*miming with her whole body* *NO NO BRIDE STYLE*_

 **Lambert** : _*oh shit yeah, bard is a bride, right* *hold Jaskier like a princess in his arms instead*  
_ **Lambert:** Bard, we are going on an adventure!

 **Jaskier** : …..alright?

 **Geralt** : _*growling and yanking Jaskier into his own arms instead*_ No.

 **Jaskier** : _*blushing, not sure where to keep his arms*  
_ **Jaskier:** ….uuuh sorry Lambert?

**Geralt:** _*stomps off with Jaskier still in his arms, leaving Lambert behind*_

**Ciri:** _*hums and scribbles*_ Idiot symptoms increasing. Need to define if protective or possesive. Further studies needed.


	6. The turning of tables test

**Ciri:** Lambert, my favorite uncle!

 **Eskel:** Im right here.

 **Lambert:** _*snort*_ yes, my third favorite princess?

 **Ciri:** _*indignant princess noises*_ ESKEL my favorite uncle!

 **Eskel:** You did this to yourself.

 **Ciri:** FINE! Aiden, the bestest and most handsomest Witcher in this keep!

 **Aiden:** HAH! _*pointing at Lambert*_ Suck it!

 **Lambert:** Aiden you are no longer my favorite princess. Congratulations Vesemir.

 **Ciri:** If you sit in Geralts lap for three minutes I won’t tell Lambert what you said about his-

 **Aiden:** -YES evil child I will sit in that fucking lap just *very non-child-friendly words used*

Aiden walks towards the other side of the room where Jaskier and Geralt sits all cozy in from of the fire.   
And plops down in Geralts lap, arms around his neck.

**Aiden:** _*might be going a little far but he absolutely puts his head on Geralts shoulder* *look how cozy they are*_

**Geralt:** _*confused Witcher noises* *not sure where to put his hands* *too confused to push the other witcher off*_

 **Jaskier:** _*smirk turns into a frown* *because that fucking Cat Witcher is nuzzling into Geralts neck* *and Geralt ALLOWS it*_

 **Jaskier:** _*why the hell is Geralt letting this Witcher cozy up to him?!* *he never let Jaskier do that?!* *the fuck man*_

 **Lambert:** THAT’S ABOUT ENOUGH AIDEN YOU COME THE FUCK HERE WHAT DID CIRI MEAN ABOUT-

 **Ciri:** _*hums and scribbles*_ Turning the tables have very evident results. Im surrounded by idiots.


	7. The burning test

**Ciri:** I dont think you dare to do it.

 **Lambert:** The fuck I do.

 **Ciri:** Prove it.

_*Lambert twists around and casts Igni on Geralts shirt*_

**Geralt:** The fuck man?!?!? _*pulling the shirt off in quick motions* *throws it to the ground and stomps it out*_

 **Jaskier** : _*stops mid motion to let his eyes rake over Geralts now bare torso* *its magneficent*_

 **Lambert:** Oh sorry Geralt, didn’t see you there! I was aiming for Aiden!

_*Aiden looks up from a book on the absolute opposite side of the court yard*_

**Aiden:** What did _I_ do?

 **Geralt:** Prick. _*grumble grumble* *involutary flex because friggin cold*_

 **Jaskier:** _*not cold at all* *close to heart faliur actually* *mouth slightly open and kinda very much blushing*_

 **Ciri:** _*humming and scribbling*_ Second subject showing obvious intrest in subject one. Subject one still shows no signs on figuring it out. Idiot syndrome confirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No shirt no brainfunction


	8. The can-you-hold-this-for-me-please test

Court yard, Jaskier, Ciri and Geralt stands by a wall talking.

**Jaskier:** So I thought Roach would be for a friend you know so I-

**Ciri:** Jaskier?

**Jaskier** : Yeees child?

**Ciri** : Can you hold something for me for a moment please?

**Jaskier:** _*frowning*_ Suuure?

**Ciri:** _*Grabs Geralts hand and places it in Jaskiers*_

**Geralt** : ..... _*red climbing his cheeks*_

**Ciri** : Thanks! _*picks up writing board*_

**Jaskier:** ..... _*staring at their joined hands*_

**Geralt** : _*blush blush blush blush* *you know what?* *flush is a good word for it*_

**Geralt** : _*flush flush flush*_

**Ciri** : _*scribbling and humming*_ Subject rendered speachless. Colourchanges observed. Intresting.

**Jaskier** : .... So how long do you want me to hold on to this?

**Ciri:** _*looks up, as if she has forgotten him*_ Oh! Im done now! Thank you for your cooperation.

She smiles sweetly up at them, tucking her clipboard under her arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohohoho I have been looking forward to this one!   
> I wonder who lets go first!


	9. The secret skills Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play a game. Find the Shrek 2 reference <3

They are bored.  
Everything is boring. It is mid winter, a huge blizzard outside trapping them indoors, specificly in front of the dining halls big fireplace, and was it mentioned?  
It’s boring.

Which means there are only so many test you can subject your ~~victims~~ subjects to.

**Ciri:** BORED.

 **Vesemir:** Find a way to entertain yourself.

 **Ciri** : _*side eyes Vesemir*_ How.

 **Vesemir:** _*from under his chair he sneakily push her clipboard towards her* *smug smirking and he looks pointedly at the papers*_

 **Ciri:** _* reads and beams at him* *she sits up straighter and claps her hands together*_

 **Ciri:** SO! Who has a hidden talent they want to share with the group?!

 **Eskel:** Like what?

 **Ciri** : Oh I don’t know? You are all witchers right? You’ve been around?

 **Jaskier:** _*offended bard noises*_ Excuse me? Im not included in this?

**Lambert (the little shit):** You go where Geralt goes, everybody knows that.

**Geralt:** _* looks down* * oh shit oh shit really?* *why are you blushing Geralt?*_

 **Jaskier** : I HAVE MY OWN LIFE?! I’VE BEEN AROUND?!

 **Aiden:** _*punching Lamberts shoulder affectionately*_ Be nice.

 **Lambert** : _*whiny voice*_ But it’s so funnyyyy!

 **Vesemir** : Alright bard. What you got then?

 **Jaskier:** * _actually kinda emberassed and kinda proud?_ * ..........................Imightknowhowtobellydance.

 **Eskel:** Sorry? What was that?

 **Aiden:** YOU CAN BELLYDANCE?!?

 **Lambert:** BULLSHIT!

 **Jaskier:** Just the basics! But yeah! I have an outfit and everything.

**Ciri:** What’s bellydancing?

**Everybody:** _* SILENCE* *COMPLETE AND UTTER SILENCE* THEY FORGOT SHE WAS HERE* *THEY ABSOLUTELY DID*_

**Geralt:** Care to explain to the child? _*He is such a bad friend and such a kind father isn’t he?*_

 **Jaskier:** Oh. Uhm. It’s a dance-

 **Lambert:** -Duuh.

 **Jaskier:** _*glare*_ It’s a dance focused on moving torso and hips. _*Very pointedly leaves out how sensual many finds it*_

 **Geralt:** _*probably getting so many mental pictures* *who ever said witchers can’t blush where lying* *oh heck he wants to see* *but he doesn’t want his child to see* *Or any one else actually* *wait what?*_

**Ciri:** Oh. May I see?

**Jaskier** : No. It’s for adults and it’s cold in here. They teach this in the Koraht desert, so the clothing is adapted to the heat.

 **Geralt:** *more mental images* *oh no witcher overload* *but why were Jaskier in a desert?*

 **Geralt:** Why were you in a desert? *leaves the “without me?” hanging in the air*

**Jaskier:** I can’t always be around you Geralt. I have my own life too.

**Geralt:** _*JASKIER IS SMILING WHEN HE SAYS THAT* *BUT OH JASKIER JUST KICKED THE GERALT PUPPY*_

 **Geralt** : Alright. Im going to bed. Thank you for tonight.

 **Eskel:** It’s only afternoon!

 **Jaskier:** _*looks after Geralt but stays put*_

**Ciri:** _*hums and scribbles*_ Subject one is showing hurt when subject two declares independance. Subject two barely notice. Idiot syndrome is so complex indeed. I need more data....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hi! How are you? Just read “Ciri Science…” and wonder… Jaskier, as a Viscount and then as a Bard, read about and went almost everywhere. And this is not nice that he met people from the Korath Desert and they initiate him to belly dance? And of course Ciri wants to know what is it."  
> Submitted by my dear @Uldases and thus we have our next installment in this set of experiments.  
> (and what’s up with today and stuff getting longer than intended? Hope you liked it!)


	10. The direct approach test

Ciri climbs up into Geralts lap and makes herself comfortable. Jaskier sits opposite them and smiles fondly.

**Geralt:** Cold little one?

 **Ciri:** A little....

 **Ciri** : ............ _*studies Jaskier as he smiles at her*_

 **Ciri:** Have you even been in love?

 **Geralt:** _*goes rigid* *shit he is trapped* *oohshitshitshit stop blushing* *Geralt she is not even asking you*_

 **Jaskier:** Me? _*points at himself, very much not looking at Geralt*_ All the time, love.

 **Ciri** : Really? What does it feel like?

 **Geralt** : _*fuck fuck fuck this is even worse than that time he was reaponsible for a birds and bees talk* *and he is not even the one asked!!!* *dont look at him dont look at him*_

 **Vesemir** : _*pretending not to pat attention from a few chairs away* *but he really is* *this is gonna be good*_

 **Jaskier:** _*quickly glances at Geralt and then back at Ciri*_

 **Jaskier** : It’s... powerful. Your heart beats loudly when you are near, there is a flutter in your tummy as you think of them. You feel at peace but also at war because there is also a little fear.

 **Ciri** : Why fear?

 **Geralt:** _*finally looks up* *and Jaskier meets his eyes for only a second* *nope, sorry, can’t, time to look away*_

 **Jaskier:** Because you never know if they love you back until you tell them, I suppose.

 **Ciri:** _*thinking hard*_ Did you tell that Duchess of yours?

 **Geralt:** _*evil child* *this is one evil child* *I Will never let her near Yen again*_

 **Jaskier:** _*sad smile*_ I did. But she chose someone else. It happens. But I don’t regret loving her.

 **Ciri** : But she didn’t love you back?

 **Jaskier:** Love is the best feeling in the world and I Will never regret loving someone.

 **Jaskier:** ..... Why so many questions, princess? Someone caught your eye?

 **Geralt:** _*head whips down to stare at her* *his little girl?!?!? falling for someone?!? Nope. Not allowed. She baby*_

 **Ciri:** _*heat climbing her cheeks* *ooooops she is blushing*_

 **Ciri** : N-No!!!

 **Jaskier:** Ah, is it that Dara kid? He was a cute one.

 **Geralt:** _*who is this Dara???!?!? That elf boy?!? He’s after my baby girl?!?!?*_

 **Ciri** : ABSOLUTELY NOT IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU JASKIER BYE. _*runs away very un-princess-like*_

 **Jaskier** : _*chuckles*_ It’s absolutely about Dara.

 **Ciri:** _*safe in her room* *scribbling furiously with a blush*_

 **Ciri:** Idiots. Idiots the lot of them. Test backfired. Direct approach will be avoided from now on.


	11. Sometimes it's nice to be an idiot

**Jaskier** : Are you still mad at me?

 **Ciri** : _*pouting in a corner*_ ... no.

 **Jaskier:** _*chuckles*_ Im sorry, dear. Will you forgive me if I wear that dress to dinner again?

 **Ciri:** .........

 **Ciri:** Can you teach me to bellydance?

 **Jaskier** : ....... oh fuck it, yes of course I can. Just, don’t tell the others.

~

Later, Jaskier in his outfit, Ciri in a quickly put together kind of dress dance in a far corner of the library.   
By a fireplace because Kaer Morhen is COLD.

 **Ever Witcher present:** _*Arrives*_

 **Aiden** **and** **Lambert** : _*takes off their shirts and asks to learn too* *wiggling their hips stupidly just to see Ciri giggle*_

 **Geralt** : _*arms crossed* *pretending this is not the cutest and softest thing he ever saw* *having the tiniest smile anyway* *but he doesnt know it*_

 **Eskel** : You not joining them?

 **Geralt** : _*snort*_ I don’t see you rushing to throw off your clothes either.

 **Eskel** : No. It’s cold. Just thought you would like Jaskiers eyes on you.

 **Jaskier** : _*suddenly looks up at Geralt, eyes all sparkly* *big smile because this is lovely*_

 **Geralt:** Shut. Up. _*blush blush flush flush*_

 **Eskel:** * _chuckle*_ Oh you are such a goner Geralt.

(Ciris clipboard lies forgotten on a table nearby.   
Vesemir picks it up and scribbles in a corner:   
_”Sometimes its nice to be an idiot_ ”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im a big fan of being an idiot actually


	12. Chapter 12

It is a clear day. The skies are blue and the sun stands high. The air is crisp and clear. A perfect day for some gathering of information.

 **Ciri:** Geralt. Geeeralt. GERALT!

 **Geralt:** _*very zoned out* *probably thinking about a certain bard* *that’s very likely because he is staring*_ Huh?

 **Ciri** : _*knows what’s up and smiles sweetly*_ Hi. Uhm, can you.. join me this afternoon?

 **Geralt** : _*Starting to figure out that Ciri’s up to something* *But there is no clipboard* *hmmm*_ Hmmm.

 **Ciri:** Aww, come oooon. I want to do a picknick up in one of the balcony towers. Pleeasseee?

 **Geralt** : _*Ciri has the cutest puppie eyes* *did Jaskier teach her that?*_ Fine.

 **Ciri:** _*beams*_ Yes!! See you at lunch!

~

Ciri corners Jaskier just as he comes out of the privvy.

 **Ciri:** JASKIER!

 **Jaskier** : _*GASP* *DUCKLINGS he was not prepared for her to appear there*_ Princess! Hello! Uh... What are you up to?

 **Ciri:** Care to join me and Geralt on the balcony for a picknic???

 **Jaskier:** _*looks for her clipboard that usually means she is up to something* *no clipboard in sight *_ .. U.h, sure. When and where?

 **Ciri** : Great! At lunch, by one of the balcony towers! Great! Great! Now I have to go hide from Vesemir, he wants me to read The smallest things found in the swamp part 35 and Im not.... _*runs away*_

 **Jaskier:** _*still in the door to the privvy*_ Ooookkayyyy.

~

 **Vesemir:** Is it done?

 **Ciri** : Yes sir!

~

Later, at the chosen balcony. Ciri and Jaskier and Geralt sits on a blanket, all three wrapped in thick furs. They have a good time and everyone is more relaxed when the clipboard is not invited.

 **Vesemir:** CIRI! I KNOW YOU ARE UP THERE!

 **Ciri** : Fuck. _*jumps out of the furs*_

 **Geralt** : Language.

 **Jaskier:** I take it you never read that book.

 **Ciri:** Nope!

 **Geralt** : What book?

 **Ciri:** Im hiding. Im not reading that bore. I will die. Bye!

 **Geralt:** Ciri! Homework is im- ah she’s gone.

 **Jaskier:** ..... _*taking another piece of cheese*_ So. Uh. Should we pack things up?

 **Geralt:** Nah. Let’s eat first. _*this suddenly feels very date-like* *why does this feel date like?* *but I eat with Jaskier all the time?*_

~

Ciri joins Vesemir in his study opposite of the Picknick Tower.

 **Vesemir:** Are they still there?

**Ciri:** _*grabs Vesemirs spying glass* *runs to the window*_

**Vesemir:** _*chuckles*_ I can’t belive they fell for that.

 **Ciri:** I am very good and they are idiots. Didn’t suspect a thing.

 **Ciri:** _*absolutely spying on them*_ They are indeed staying put. Yes. Could you hand me my clipboard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask by @permanently-exhausted-witcher:  
> Idiot syndrome test!!!!! Plan cancelation. Ciri says she wants to have a picnic. Separately tells both Geralt and Jaskier to meet her at a location, niether knowing she asked the other. Then she hides when they both show up at the same time.


	13. The tunic test

Laundry day at the keep. All the witchers except Geralt are folding all the tunics left to dry.

 **Ciri:** _*inspiration struck*_ My good sirs.

 **All witchers and a bard:** _*looks up* *what did she call us?* *what is she up to now*_

 **Ciri:** How would you feel about a prank?

~

Geralt is carrying the last basket of clothes that needs to be put up to dry.

Jaskier appears in the doorway and march past him.

Wearing Geralts tunic.

 **Geralt:** _*freezes mid step* *ALERT ALERT ALERT WHAT IS THE BARD WEARING?!?* *big time Witcher brainfreeze* *mouth hanging open* *such blushing* *wow*_

 **Jaskier:** Hi Geralt! _*small wave* *tunic too big but in a cute way**keeps walking*._

 **Lambert:** _*appears behind Jaskier* *also wearing Geralts tunic* *it’s a little long*_ Close your mouth Geralt.

 **Geralt** : _*stunned* *flabbergasted*_ The fuck...

 **Vesemir** : _*appears behind Lambert* *they are walking in a row like ducklings* *also wearing one of Geralts tunics*_ Language.

**Geralt:** _*frowning* *what’s going on??* *at least he closed his mouth*_

**Eskel** : _*walks through the door after Vesemir* *he is also frowning, Geralts tunic is a little tight on him*_ How many tunics do you even own?

 **Geralt:** _*appearently a lot* *because so far all actually are his*_

 **Aiden** : _*comes out after Eskel* *fills out Geralts tunic rather nicely*_ Mind if I keep this? Black really seem to be my color.

 **Ciri** : _*also wearing one of his tunics* *it’s hhhuugeee* *you can’t see her hands at all* *very proud of herself*_ Hi Geralt. You have an awful lot if tunics.

 **Geralt** : _*stares after them as they walk into the main doors* *what just happened*_

~

 **Ciri:** _*hurrying to her clipboard* *everybody but Jaskier changed back to their normal tunics*_

 **Ciri** : _*hums and scribbles*_ Subject one turned into a very interesting shade of red. Subject two refuses to part with Subject ones clothing. It will be one intresting dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaskier absolutely didn't return the tunic. Neither did Aiden.


	14. Yen enters the stage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk boys!

**Geralt** : _*sits by a table, but barely* *extremely drunk* *like, there are six bottles around him*_

 **Eskel:** _*lies very unconsious on said table* *He is drooling* *still holding a bottle tho* *that’s his baby now*_

 **Lambert** : _*lies on the floow on his back* *he is shaped like T * *Lambert is T shaped* *he is also snoring loudly*_

 **Aiden** : _*cuddling up to Lambert* * oh so soft and snuggly* * I don’t make the rules, they are cuddling on the floor*_

 **Ciri:** _*sits opposite to Geralt with her clipboard* *nodding, humming and scribbling* * her pyjama is huge, very much Geralts tunic*_

 **Geralt** : He’s.. He’s just so cute, you know? _*barely coherent*_

 **Geralt** : _*waves a hand around* *trying to catch the words like they were flies*_

 **Geralt:** I just wa-.. wanna hugggg him, He is hug shaped.

 **Ciri:** Uhuh... yeah.. but... I asked if he is allergic to something. _*scribble scribble*_ Amazing, the idiot gets doubled when they are drunk.

Suddenly there are sounds of a portal opening, and Yennefer step through.

**Yen** : Hey has anyone seen my dre-.. Ciri?! Why are you still up?!

 **Ciri** : Research!

 **Geralt** : Yen! Hell-hi! _*waves awkwardly* *big goofy grin* *he is a happy drunk*_

 **Yen** : Are you drunk?! Is he drunk?!

 **Geralt:** _*scoffs*_ No?

 **Ciri:** Yes. I snuck down to get data when he was vulnerable and can’t talk back!

 **Yen:** _*smirk* You are my child aright. *strolls over and sits down next to Ciri* *and puts an arm around her*_

 **Yen** : What’cha researching?

 **Geralt:** * _stares intently at Yen* *squint*_ Yen. Yennifurr, did you know? You have at least two nostrils!

 **Ciri:** _*snorts a laugh*_ I call it the Idiot syndome. Watch. _*clears her throat*_

 **Ciri:** Oh look, Jaskier! _*points behind Geralt*_

 **Geralt** : WHERE! _*whips around too fast* *chair is almost tipping over*_ HE is HUGGEDshaped Yen! HUGgg shaped!

 **Yen** : _*so unimpressed*_ Yeah, he’s an idiot alright. Can I help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat suggested by @honeysuckletook on Tumblr!   
> Im not good at listening to directions but there i something of it xD


	15. The Game test

**Ciri** : Pleaaase?

 **Yen** : No.

 **Ciri** : pleeeaaaaseeee? *big ol’ puppy eyes*

 **Yen** : _*unmoved* *she knows the puppy eyes* *heck she probably were the one who taught her*_ No! There’s only so much I can take. No. More. Card games.

 **Eskel** : _*very moved by puppy eyes ™* *Ciris favorite victim actually*_ Aw come on Yennefer. One more round?

 **Yen** : No. Something else.

 **Jaskier** : How about a game? We used to play this a lot when I was a student back in Oxenfurt.

 **Geralt:** _*raises an eyebrow, arms crossed*_ Child friendly?

 **Jaskier** : We obviously don’t drink when we are wrong.

 **Lambert** : Where is the fun in that?

 **Jaskier** : Just hear me out! So, we’ll go around the table. When it’s your turn you tell one truth and one lie. And the others will guess which is which.

 **Yen** : * _catches Ciris eye* *where is your clipboard child?!*_

 **Ciri** : _*eyes widen*_ Shit.

 **Vesemir** : Language!

 **Aiden:** But that’s not very fair to you, Jaskier. You are up against five witchers and a sorceress.

 **Jaskier** : _*very sneaky smirk*_ Oh I think I know more than you think, kittycat. _*everybody round the table is suddenly very nervous*_ So should I start?

 **Yen** : But what do we win?

 **Eskel** : How about the one with the most points will get to tell the one with the least points to do something?

 **Lambert** : Yes! Geralt prepare to run butt naked over the courtyard!!

 **Geralt** : _*offended Witcher noises*_ Why me?! Im very good to tell truth from lie!

 **Jaskier:** _*snorts*_ Keep telling yourself that, love. But yeah, sounds good to me.

 **Jaskier:** Ok so! I am allergic to snails. And I once had pink hair.

To no ones surprise Geralt lost. Yennefer won, Jaskier a close second.

There is some conspiratorial whispers with Ciri going on behind Geralts back, as he dejectedly stares at the ground.

**Yen** : So. Geralt. You sit in Lamberts lap.

 **Lambert**. _*decision heavily influenced by Ciris puppy eyes™ and a brand new knife*_ Hell. No. He is fucking heavy. I will stab him.

 **Vesemir:** Language!! How many times!!

 **Yen** : Fine. Geralt go sit in Jaskiers lap!

 **Jaskier:** _*lights up* *leans back and pats on his knees*_ Awwww Geralt. Come here, Im sure you are not that heavy!

 **Geralt:** _*grumble grumble* *Geralt is that heavy tho* *have you seen that mans muscles??* *but sit on Jaskiers lap is...*_  
 _*blush blush blush* *very emberasing*_ HMm. >:L

 **Yen:** Go on. _*aaaw Geralt needs a threat to make it seem like he doesn’t want to*_ Alright fine. If you don’t you will get to act as Lamberts chamber maid for the rest of the night.

 **Lambert:** * _delighted*_ Oh please don’t sit in his lap! * _Ciri elbows him in the ribs*_

 **Geralt:** * _sits the fuck down in Jaskiers lap*_

 **Jaskier** : * _Ouuf* *heavy Witcher*_ Alright you are a heavy Witcher. _Geralt is right there Geralt is right there omg Geralt is right there*_

 **Geralt and Jaskier:** _*Blush blush flush flush try to act normal* *they are very bad at it*_

**Ciri** : _*on a conjured clipboard* *hums and scribbles*_ Idiots in close proximity acts as if stunned. This was a good test. There will be more data on the Subject.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow this got loooong! Again suggested by @honeysuckletook and then i kinda morphed it again. hope you like it!


	16. The flowing locks test

Ciri, Yen and Jaskier sits by the fire. Yen is brushing and braiding Ciris hair.

 **Jaskier:** * _wistful sigh*_ I always wanted to do that.

 **Yen:** What? Brushing hair? Don’t you fix Geralts hair all the time?

 **Jaskier** : *blush blush* I never had long enough hair to have it braided.

 **Yen:** Would you like to?

~

At dinner, Ciri sits at the end of the table, ready with her clipboard.

 **Jaskier** : _*appears in the doorway with long, flowing locks falling over his shoulders*_

 **Geralt:** * _spits all his food out*_

 **Eskel:** * _sitting opposite of Geralt* *regrets every decision that led him here*_ UGH. GROSS.

 **Geralt:** _*mouth open and staring* *Geralt is really good at blushing nowdays*_

Ciri: _*hums and scribbles*_ Subject two with long hair makes subject one eject all the food from his mouth on favorite uncle. Gross and hilarious. Idiot symptom list keeps expanding.


	17. The snowball test

Tjoff!

 **Aiden:** IiiiIIiiIIihhH!! _*who knew he could reach that note? not Jaskier*_ That is SO COLD! Right down my neck, damn!

 **Jaskier:** _*such pleased with that hit* *already forming his next snowball* *who’s next??*_ What happened to your witcher reflexes, kittycat?

 **Eskel:** _*throws a snoball at Lambert*_ Hey! Using Quen is cheating!

 **Ciri:** _*elbowing Eskel* *kinda loud whisper*_ How about all against Jaskier and Geralt. They look suspiciously dry.

All heads snap towards the two.

**Jaskier** : Uh oh.

 **Geralt:** Traitor child! * _gets hit*_ Take cover!! _*there is nowhere to take cover* *who thought this was a good place for a snowball fight* *shit, wait. It was me.*_

 **Yen** : _*lifting snowballs in the air around her* *omnious music coming from somewhere* *who needs to throw when you are actual magic*_

 **Jaskier** : UNFAIR! THAT’S UNFAIR! UGH! _*gets hit by two snoballs and takes cover behind Geralt*_

 **Geralt** : _*takes a defence stance* *time to be a badass and protect the bard* *catch a snowball midair and throw it at Aiden*_

 **Ciri:** _*smirk* *absolute victory* *look at the idiots trying to protect each other from my forces*_

 **Lambert** : Hey! Kiddo!

 **Ciri:** _*looks at Lambert* *gets hit STRAIGHT in the face* *snow everywhere*_

 **Lambert** : You are my third favorite princess!

 **Ciri** : _*war cry* *vengeance* *jail for Lambert for a thousand years!!*_ RAAAAA!

~

And so, the only one returning from this snowballfight somewhat dry was Yennefer.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want snow this winter, can you tell?
> 
> Also, Geralt really likes what Jaskier looks like covered in snowflakes. And Jaskier is real moved by his defending witcher.


	18. The sneeze test

Witchers and sorceresses don’t get sick.

However, children and bards might. No matter how many big, thick furs you put them in, they might just catch a cold.   
(Especially after a snowball fight.)

And they did.

**Jaskier and Ciri:** _*cuddles and huddles with their runny noses in a bed* *Jaskier has his arm around Ciri who reads out loud from a book* *super cozy* *and snotty*_

**Geralt:** _*enters the room* *looks at his sicklings* *they are so cute*_ What are you up to?

 **Jaskier:** We are practicing our Nilfgaardian. _*voice all raspy and nasal*_

 **Ciri:** Come sit with us? * _pats next to her*_

 **Geralt** : Fine. _*climbs in next to Ciri* *she arranges them so that Jaskier and Geralts arm are touching* *and she leans back to trap them there*_

 **Ciri:** _*reading nilfgaardian rather well* *too tired to get annoyed when Geralt gives her pointers*_

 **Jaskier** : _*getting really tired* *this is so cozy* *eyes are getting heavy* *head falls down on Geralt’s shoulder*_

 **Geralt:** _*OH.* *DON’T PANIC* *HE IS ONLY RIGHT THERE* *OH MAN THAT IS SO CUTE*_

 **Geralt:** _*I can get used to this* *this is so warm and cuddly* *and Ciri is doing so well*_

~

 **Ciri** : _*notice nothing at all until the end of the chapter* *Geralt has been very quiet* *looks up*_

 **Geralt** : _*now also sleeping* *resting his head on Jaskiers* *it is so peaceful*_

**Ciri** : _*smiles warmly* *picks up her well hidden clipboard* *hums and scribbles and coughs*_ Idiots they might be, but cute idiots. Temporary weakness draws them closer together. Will have to find more ways for this to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @anythinggoesfandom on tumblr for your kind words, hope you like cuddles!


	19. The Witcher Butt test

Geralt has new leather pants.

 **Jaskier:** _*approaches from behind Geralt* *not so subtly watching those pants at work*_

 **Ciri:** _*throws her pen at the floor in front of Geralt*_ Oops... I am sooo clumsy

 **Geralt** : _*frowns at her, does not see Jaskier behind him*_

 **Ciri** : Could you... please pick it up for me?

 **Geralt:** _*big sigh*_ You are such a princess sometimes.

 **Geralt:** _*bends forward* *giving Jaskier quiet the view*_

 **Jaskier** : _*stop dead* *open mouth* *close mouth* *stare at butt some more*_

 **Geralt:** _*gets up and gives Ciri her pen.*_ Here you go.

 **Ciri** : _*looks Jaskier dead in the eye*_ You’re welcome.

~

 **Ciri:** _*frowning, humming and scribbling*_ Subject two were given the perfect opportunity to, as mother described it, ‘smack that ass’. Did not take it. Very curious behavior considering the stories told about the subject. Further tests needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, Im gonna have to write out Jaskiers habbit of smacking Lambert now, aren't I


	20. The Shaving Test

**Ciri:** Getting a bit shaggy are we?

 **Geralt:** What, you don’t like my beard?

 **Ciri:** I do. It’s just been a while since I saw it clean shaven....................

 **Geralt** : _*pinching ciris squishy cheek* *she hates it* *her scowl is so cute*_ Because you ask so nicely! Lets see if my face gets as soft as yours!

~

Dinner time. Ciri sits next to Jaskier.

**Jaskier:** _*eyes Ciri suspiciously* *she is up to something*_

**Ciri:** _*pure innocence* *just a princess eating her soup everybody* *dont mind me*_

 **Geralt** : _*appears in doorway, freshly bathed and shaved* *his hair is loose* *He looks soft. So soft*_

 **Jaskier** : _*almost drops spoon* *five salamanders in skirts Geralt shaved* *ducklings he looks soft*_

 **Ciri** : OOooh! You did it! Come let me feel your face!!

 **Geralt:** _*chuckles*_ Calm down you little beast. * _crouches down between her and Jaskier*_

 **Ciri:** _*running her hands all over his cheeks and chin*_ Ooohh I never got to do this before! You are so soft!

 **Geralt:** _*lovely child* *her hands are so small on his face*_ Am I as soft as you are?

 **Ciri:** _*fucking bingo* *touches her own cheeks*_ I don’t know.... Jaskier, what do you think?

 **Jaskier:** _*chuckles and squeeze her cheeks* *he knows she hates it but he can’t resist*_ Lets seeeeeee....

 **Jaskier:** _*OH WAIT* OH SHIT* *HANG ON A MINUTE*_

 **Geralt:** _*getting that same realisation* *their eyes fucking meets* *so many swears, Jaskier is going to touch his just shaved face* *EVIL child*_

 **Jaskier:** _*eyes Ciri, she is so smug* *slowly touches Geralts face* *secret dream come true* *he is so soft* *but its also so embarrassing*_

 **Geralt:** _*where to look where to look?!?* *Jaskiers hands are stroking his face*_

 **Geralt and Jaskier:** * _very awkward and intense eyecontact* *it’s almost like they forgot what the question was* *they probably did*_

 **Geralt:** _*did he just look at my lips?!* *this is the end, I swear. This is where I die*_

**Ciri:** _*smirks and scribbles away*_ Test successful. Idiot syndrome confirmed, symptoms proven. They have forgotten all about my sitting here.   
Ready to begin the end phase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention, I love you all? You are wonderful wonderful people and I hope you have a nice day


	21. The hide and seek test

**Ciri:** We need to hide. Now.

 **Jaskier** : Library?

 **Geralt:** Too far. Kitchen.

They are running down the halls together, behind them they can hear the ominous countdown.

**Eskel:** twenty eight! Twenty nine! Thirty! Thirty one!

 **Ciri:** He is counting too fast!

 **Geralt:** _*opens his intended hiding place*_ FUCK! 

**Yen:** _*hisssss*_

**Geralt.** _*closes the door* *nope, this one is taken* *he did not get startled, not at all*_

 **Eskel** : _*in the distance*_ Forty nine! Fifty!

 **Jaskier:** Heck heck heck he is almost done! In here!

 **Ciri:** _*the cupboard Jaskier found is very small* *very small* *oooh yes this will do nicely* *evil child smirk*_

 **Ciri:** _*pushes Geralt inside* *then grabs Jaskier and shoves him in there too* *it is really a bit small*_

 **Eskel** : Ready or not! Here I come!

 **Jaskier** : Ciri! Get in! _*it’s too tight* *but if he slips his arms around Geralt maybe* *and press up against his back*_

 **Ciri:** _*scared princess noises* *squeezes inside* *uugh it’s barely any room in here* *closes the door*_

 **Geralt** : _*the cupboard is very silent* *Jaskiers arms are around him* *and his breaths are right next to his ear* *and he is pressed against his back*_

 **Jaskier:** _*heck heck heck* *they are so close* *Geralt smells wonderful* *don’t be a creep Jaskier* *don’t be a creep*_

 **Ciri:** * _nervous excitement* *plan seems to be a success* *shoves at Jaskier so that they get even closer* *because she needs more space* *that’s it* *no other reason* *muahaha*_

There are no sounds for a long while. A really long while.

**Geralt and Jaskier:** _*panics panics panics* *they are so close* *sweaty palms and racing hearts*_

**Ciri:** _*bored* *sneaks a peak through the crack of the door*_

**Eskel** : HAH! Found you!

 **Ciri** : Damnit! _*makes sure to close cupboard door behind her and hide Jaskier and Geralt*_

 **Eskel:** Really princess? A cupboard? That is so obvious. _*notice her close the door very pointedly* *goes to open it* *he can smell Jaskier and Geralt inside*_

 **Ciri:** _*stops him* *points at Yens hiding place instead* *sacrifices has to be made*_

 **Eskel:** ………. _*looks sceptically at princess* *she nods frantically* *opens Yens door*_

 **Yen:** _*HISSSSSS*_

 **Eskel:** AH! FUCK!

Ciri drags them both away from the kitchen and makes them find every one else instead. And then convince them to stop looking.   
Jaskier and Geralt are in that cupboard for a looong time.  
All alone in the darkness.

**Ciri** : _*evil child smirk* *scribbles on clipboard* *all too satisfied*_ Today's preparations were a success. The subjects stayed in close proximity for a long time. End phase will likely go smoothly.


	22. The kissing test

**Ciri:** I'm going to be blunt with you.

 **Lambert:** Oh no.

 **Aiden:** Oh yes.

 **Ciri:** I need you two to do me a favour. A big one.

 **Aiden:** Oh no.

 **Lambert** : Oh yes.

 **Ciri:** I need one of you to do something and the other not to intervene.

 **Aiden:** I don’t like the sound of that.

 **Lambert** : I do! What’s the favor?

 **Ciri:** I need one of you to kiss Jaskier.

 **Aiden** : … _.. *side eyes Lambert*_

 **Lambert:** …. Why would the other one intervene?

 **Ciri:** _*Oh shit they haven’t realized it yet?* *man, Im surrounnded by idiots*_

 **Ciri:** Just… don’t? Anyway, which one of you will help me out?

 **Lambert:** What’s in it for us? Why would we risk our skins for that?

 **Ciri:** Imagine Geralt’s face.

 **Lambert:** _*imagines it* *fuck yes*_ Fuck yes. Aiden. You must kiss the bard.

 **Aiden** : _*amused and just a little… hurt?*_ Why me?

 **Lambert:** Because I must see Geralt’s face.

 **Aiden** : ….. Alright.

 **Ciri** : _*well that was easy*_ Thanks! _*scampers off*_

 **Lambert:** *Alright?* *he wants to kiss the bard?* *but…*

~~

Dining hall later that evening. Yennefer is having a low discussion with Aiden, Lambert is glaring at them for who knows what reason, stabbing at his food.  
Ciri is watching them closely, Jaskier and Geralt suspect nothing.

**Ciri:** _*looking pointedly at Aiden* *come on kittycat*_

 **Aiden:** _*fucking fine princess.* *avoid Lamberts glaring and stands up*_

 **Aiden** : Hey bard! _*leans in real close* *tips Jaskiers chin up*_ You got something on your mouth.

 **Jaskier:** Wha- MHPH _*Ok so it was Aiden* *he got Aiden on his mouth* *ok uh* *uhh ok? why?!* *shouldn’t he be kissing Lambert?*_

 **Lambert:** _*chair scrapes as he stands up*_ OK THAT IS JUST ABOUT ENOUGH!

 **Geralt:** _*pulls Jaskier backwards* *he wholeheartedly agrees with Lambert for once*_

 **Ciri:** _*I knew it* *I can’t trust anyone* *but I suppose they needed the help too* *idiots the lot of them*_

 **Lambert:** * _drags Aiden away* *the door slams as they leave* *and then it slams again* *oh, I suppose Aiden is kissing the right person now huh?*_

 **Geralt:** * _absently wipes off Jaskiers mouth with his sleeve* *frowning at the door that closed*_

 **Jaskier:** _*what the actual chicken coop is going on* *blush blush blush Geralt us touching my lips*_

**Ciri:** * _sighs* *picks up clipboard from under the table* *scribbles and hums*_ It is so hard to orchestrate this when all I have to work with is idiots. _*faint protests around the table and another slam at the door* *sigh*_ Wrong idiots affected.

**Geralt:** _*still kind of touching Jaskiers mouth* *but can’t look Jaskier in the eye* *because he totally want to kiss him*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idiots. idiots everywhere....


	23. The Goodnight-Kiss-Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's morphing.....

Yen finally began the teachings of chaos. It is exhausting and dangerous but Ciri loves it.   
Because Ciri is a clever girl, she used this to make Geralt and Jaskier put her to bed.   
She is a princess, after all.

Geralt puts away her boots and Jaskier sits next to her on the bed.

**Ciri:** Geralt. You forgot something.

 **Geralt** : What?

 **Ciri:** Good night kisses!

 **Geralt** : _*aaww* *please never grow up* *melts so hard* *gives her a soft smooch right on the forehead*_

 **Ciri** : _*pretending that she is pretending to like it* *because growing up is complicated* *and she is actually really tired*_

 **Ciri:** Don’t forget Jaskier.

 **Jaskier:** _*wait* *wait what* *fuck* *whips around to stare at her innocent face* *mouth open* *you little terror you* *what will I do if he kisses my forehead?!*_

 **Geralt** : _*I can say no* *I CAN say no* *I am a big witcher and I can tell my child no* *why isn’t Jaskier telling her no?!* *shit Im doing it*_

Smooch.

**Geralt:** GOODNIGHT!!!!!! _*leaves* *he is so red* *you thought you had seen blushing and flushing before*_

 **Jaskier:** _*stunned* *Geralt kissed his forehead* *he died and went to the afterlife, didn’t he*_

 **Ciri:** _*hums and scribbles*_ Mission success. Both subjects responding as predicted. Proceed with care.

 **Jaskier:** Excuse me?

 **Ciri** : Uh.. Good night Jaskier!


	24. The ring mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bard content. hands.

Ciri has noticed something.

Geralt spends a lot of time looking at Jaskiers hand. Like, a lot. When Jaskier plucks the strings, fiddling with his rings, gesturing.

Ciri sees all. And she is going to use it.

**Ciri:** _*climbs into Geralts lap*_

 **Geralt:** _*this is a trap* *this is how my child sets a trap* *I know what happened last time*_

 **Ciri:** _*you are absolutely right* *and you are weak to my will* *and for the bard*_

 **Ciri** : Jaskier, may I borrow your hand? I wish to look at your ring.

 **Jaskier:** _*gives Ciri his hand* *he is actually really fond of his rings*_ Which one, little cub?

 **Geralt:** _*damn this bard got pretty hands* *look at those fingers* *so long and graceful*_

 **Ciri:** _*fiddles with the one on his ring finger*_ All of them. They are very pretty.

 **Jaskier** : _*smiles*_ That one I got from my countess

 **Geralt:** _*tenses up* *hmmm*_ Hmm.

 **Jaskier** : _*knows the hmms* *that was not a good hmm*_ And this one I won from a dwarf in a dice game.

 **Ciri** : Which hand would a wedding ring go on? Do bards even marry?

 **Geralt:** _*I FUCKIN KNEW IT* *I DON’T KNOW WHY BUT THIS IS A TRAP SOMEHOW* *MY WITCHER SENSE IS TINGLING*_

 **Jaskier:** Aah… I suppose it depends on the tradition, but in my family it’s on the left. And some do, I suppose.

 **Ciri:** _*immediately reaches for his left hand*_ You have no rings on your fourth finger.

**Jaskier:** _*aah fuck* Uhm, no I don’t._

**Geralt:** _*why am I freaking out* *what is my heart doing?* *damn look at his hands*_

 **Ciri** : Are you saving that place for someone special?

 **Jaskier** : * _looking at his hand like his life depended on it* *no where else at all, no sir*_

 **Jaskier:** Hmm. _*Hmm is a very underrated word actually*_ Just didn’t find one that felt right.

 **Geralt:** _*Is he saving that finger for someone?!* *Why didn’t he say something* *wait what is this feeling Im having*_

 **Ciri:** _*keeps looking and asking about rings* *pretending that her boys just didn’t have a freakout each*_

**Eskel, Aiden, Lambert:** _*spoons halfway to their mouths* *well this is kind of awkward* *It’s like we are not even here*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idiot syndrome TM anon, my saviour.


	25. Bright new year

Minter solstice passed without much change in pace for the inhabitants of the keep.  
However, there are a few things about to happen with the new year approaching.

**Eskel:** Did you make the fireworks? Ey? Lambert? Stop kissing Aiden and listen to me?!

 **Vesemir:** Yennefer would you do us the honor of fetching us a nice bottle of spirit? I only trust you with picking something of quality.

 **Yennefer** : Why, sweet talk will get you everywhere. I will have it by tonight.

 **Jaskier:** HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY SHOES? MY SHINY ONES?

 **Geralt:** Don’t wear your shiny ones, you will freeze your toes off.

 **Jaskier:** You have NO sense of style.

Late that night, Yennefer portaled them to a nearby mountaintop with a view over the keep.   
It’s silent, dark and beautiful.

**Aiden** : So I heard that what you do at midnight is what you will be doing for the rest of the year.

 **Lambert** : * _I know what you are doing cat* *I'm doing it anyway* *actually, I'm doing it right now* *SMOOOCH*_

 **Ciri** : Ew.

 **Jaskier:** _*smirks at child* *he would 100% kiss Geralt to annoy her* *well… not only for that reason*_

 **Geralt:** _*why is Jaskier blushing?* *is he cold* * I told him not to wear the shiny shoes*_

**Yen:** Alright everybody, it’s almost time. Witchers, be ready to Aard the bombs!

Yen, Ciri and Jaskier counts down together and the bombs are thrown in the air and they explode with a shimmering light in wonderful colors.

**Ciri** : _*runs to Geralt to hug him* *buries her face against him*_ Next year will be full of hugs.

**Geralt:** _*melts* *melts completely* *he is so soft for this child* *he actually picks her up to hug her* *she is too big but who the fuck cares*_

**Vesemir:** _*sees Jaskier getting tearyeyed* *shoves him towards the two of them*_ I think they both can use some more hugs.

 **Jaskier:** _*damn he is right* *it’s hug time* *hugs for the loved ones* *throws his arms around Ciri and Geralt both*_

**Geralt:** _*oh heck* *oh shit* *oh damn he is hugging me* *this is the best night ever*_

**Yen:** Hey it’s my child too! _*throws herself into the hug, putting her arms around them all as much as she is able*_

 **Eskel:** _*pulls Vesemir with him* *it’s group hug time*_

 **Lambert:** FUCK YES, GROUP HUG! AIDEN, COME ON!

The flickers of light and sparkles slowly burn out, and under the stars there is a promise of a warmer and brighter year to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everybody for staying with me this far! Happy new year lovelies!  
> May the days to come be better that the once we had, have a wonderful time and stay safe!  
> Love you!


	26. The truthteller mission

**Geralt:** Practice you say?

 **Ciri** : Mhm. Yennefer told me to ask for victi- uh. Volunteers. It’s important for my learning.

 **Geralt** : Hmm.

 **Ciri** : _*puppy eye on max*_ Pleeaaaseee?

 **Geralt** : _*weak* *he is weak* *puppy eyes is hitting home*_ Hmmm. Fine.

 **Ciri:** _*squeeks*_ Ooooh thankyou thanyou thankyou!

Some time later…

**Eskel:** ….. What are you two up to?

 **Geralt:** I was a frog.

 **Eskel** : ….. Ooooook?

 **Geralt:** I was really small. And green.

 **Eskel** : Ciri, what did you do to him?

 **Ciri** : He agreed to let me practice my spells on him.

 **Eskel:** So what spell is he under now?

 **Geralt:** I'm telling the truth. It is really mortifying.

 **Ciri:** Don’t give me that look! It’s the last one on the list Yennefer gave me, and I know how to undo it. 

**Eskel:** Mmmhmmm. Just uh… just don’t let Jaskier come in here.

 **Jaskier:** _*of couse he appears* *because that is how this works*_ Why not?

 **Ciri:** _*she hoped for this* *she did not plan it* *but if this goes well she will take credit*_

 **Geralt** : Because I am under a truth spell and there are things that I think that I do not wish to say to you.

 **Jaskier:** …..

 **Ciri** : …..

 **Eskel:** …..

 **Geralt:** I think I might be blushing.

 **Jaskier** : Yes you are, dear.

 **Geralt:** When you say ' _dear'_ , my head gets really fuzzy.

 **Eskel** : OK THAT’S ENOUGH JASKIER COME LET'S GO FOR A WALK.

 **Jaskier:** _*dying a little* *oh my, really??* *Geralt just said that?!* *slightly stunned*_ Good idea, I might need some air….

 **Geralt:** The mortification is back.

Mission Report, later:

 **Ciri:** I'm glad to report that Jaskier did indeed walk in on my homework, but sadly so did Eskel.

 **Yen:** Darn it. I hope there was some success anyway?

 **Ciri:** Limited, yes. Geralt confessed that he didn’t want to confess and Jaskier has been hyperventilating since.

 **Yen:** Oooh, that’s what he’s been doing. I wonder if we should have him tell the truth next time?

 **Ciri** : I have something else in mind _*evil child smirk*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geralt is a goofy truther


	27. The quest for Caer Bannog

**Ciri** : _*hands giant bunny to Lambert*_ You try.   
**Lambert** : _*Approaches Geralt* *holds up giant bunny*_   
**Geralt** : No.

**Ciri** : _*hands giant bunny to Eskel*_ For me?   
**Eskel** : _*approaches Geralt* *he could likely reason with hi-*_   
**Geralt** : _*no*_ No.

**Ciri** : _*hands giant bunny to Aiden*_ Are you my hero?   
**Aiden** : _*approaches Geralt* *puppy eyes engage* *sorry, kitty eyes*_   
**Geralt** : For the last time, no! We are not keeping the bunny!

**Ciri** : _*hands giant bunny to Jaskier*_ You are my last hope.   
**Jaskier** : You should just have started with me, love.   
**Ciri** : _*yes but we needed the buildup* *we need to see Geralt's defeat*_   
**Ciri** : I know now. Thank you, oh brave one.

 **Jaskier** : _*approaches Geralt* *big smile, you know the one*_   
**Jaskier** : Geraaalt! Look what I found! Can I keep it?   
**Geralt** : Where is it’s mother?   
**Jaskier** : I'm pretty sure this is a strong independent bunny.   
**Geralt** : Does it have sharp teeth?   
**Jaskier** : Only for carrots.   
**Geralt** : What can it do?   
**Jaskier** : ...It’s a bunny… It looks cute and has soft fur and will keep the tiny princess occupied instead of doing… whatever she is doing….   
**Geralt** : ….. Good point. _*also Jaskier holding a giant bunny is adorable* *it might have swayed his decision just a little* *nobody needs to know*_

 **Ciri** : _*hides in the shadows* *hears everything* *and she knows*_

Later, mission report with Mr Caer Bannog, graciously named by Aiden.

 **Yen:** Only Jaskier?   
**Ciri:** We knew that would happen. I did have hopes for Eskel, but yeah. They also seem to think the bunny was for me.   
**Vesemir:** _*Mr Caer Bannog sits in his lap* *the bunny really is huge* *Vesemir loves him*_ Sorry, what?   
**Yen:** Nothing _*Vesemir is really soft for this bunny huh?* *now that has its benefits*_  
 **Ciri** : I might need a little help to set things up. Can I count on you both?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not good at bunny names.


	28. The evil mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im feeling so evil :)))))))))))))))))

**Ciri:** Geralt! GERALT! Emergency!

 **Geralt** : What?! What is it, child?! _*drawing sword* *doing signs* *he is so ready*_

 **Ciri** : Help me! Hurry up! _*runs quickly down a corridor*_

 **Geralt:** _*full of confusion* *runs after anyway* *like a ninja though_ *

 **Ciri:** In here! In Jaskiers room!

 **Geralt:** _*skids to a halt* *SUSPICIOUS* *WHAT DOES THE CHILD KNOW?*_ Hmm.

 **Ciri** : Hurry! Before he gets here! It’s important!

 **Geralt:** Hmm. _*that means fine* *puts away three knives and takes off his brass knuckles*_

 **Ciri:** On the top of the shelf? Do you see it?! _*yes she still make sit sound urgent* *because*_

 **Geralt** : Is that a cookie jar? Are we stealing Jaskiers cookies? You know he protects those with his life?

 **Ciri:** Yes and yes! Now please please please give it here!

 **Geralt:** Alright _*today child is going to learn the consequences of her actions* *unleash the bards fury*_

 **Ciri** : OH NO HE IS COMING! HIDE!! _*shoves Geralt and cookie jar into the closet* *slams them shut*_

 **Jaskier** : … uh….. Hello Ciri?

 **Ciri** : * _leans against the closet doors* *you know, like when you are trying to hide something by looking like you are not hiding something*_ Hi!

 **Jaskier** : Can I… help you?

 **Ciri** : YES! Yes you can! I need to ask you something.

 **Geralt** : _*inside the closet* *oh shit* *_

 **Jaskier:** _*outside the closet* *oh shit*_

 **Jaskier** : Ask away.

 **Ciri:** Are you in love with Geralt?

 **Jaskier** : kjdfahfk CIRI! _*yes he did a verbal keyboard smash* *it’s called indignant bard noises* *this is how it’s pronounced*_

 **Geralt** : _*LKJFDKHSF CIRI!!!* *this is upset and dying witcher noises* *but on the inside* *because he is hiding and NOT about to walk out now thank you very much!*_

 **Ciri:** But you always look at him with those eyes! And you always touch him. And say nice things to him. And hug him. And you got jealous when Aiden sat in his lap. And you almost passed out when Geralt said-

 **Jaskier** : Alright I get it! _*blushing big time* *dragging a hand over his face* *uugh shit a child found him out but not the man of his affections* *embarrassing*_

 **Geralt:** _*fuck o fuck o fuck o fuck o fuck o fuck o fuck o fuck*_

 **Ciri:** So?

 **Jaskier** : ……………………………………………………………………… Yes.

 **Ciri** : *smiles sweetly* Wanna know a secret?

 **Geralt:** _*OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT*_

 **Jaskier:** _*does not trust this child* *at all*_ What?

 **Ciri:** Geralt is trying to steal your cookies. He is in the closet right now.

 **Jaskier:** HE WHAT!

 **Geralt** : TRAITOR! _*zooms out the room with cookie jar under his arm*_

 **Jaskier:** My… my cookies.

 **Ciri:** Yes, focus on the cookies. Good night Jaskier :)


	29. Secret bonus shh don't tell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small bonus before the next one because i think Im funny :*

**Eskel** : You broke Geralt  
 **Ciri** : Nah. Jaskier did.  
 **Eskel** : What did you do? He’s been panicking for an hour in the courtyard  
 **Ciri** : I stole Jaskiers cookies. _*walks away*_

 **Lambert** : You broke Jaskier.  
 **Ciri** : Nah. I broke into his room though.  
 **Lambert** : What did you do??  
 **Ciri** : I stole his cookies _*munch munch*_

 **Yennefer** : You broke Geralt.  
 **Jaskier** : ……..  
 **Yennefer** : Are you alright?  
 **Jaskier** : ……..  
 **Yennefer** : Hellooooo?  
 **Jaskier** : Geralt took my cookies.  
 **Yennefer** : ……….

 **Vesemir** : How are you pup?  
 **Geralt** : _*JDSFKJFFHFH*_ Im chopping wood.  
 **Vesemir** : Yes, I can see that. At least two trees.  
 **Geralt** : * _KJKJFAKF_ * Im chopping wood.  
 **Vesemir** : Alright. I’ll just put some cookies over here for you when you are up for it.  
 **Geralt** : _*!!!!* *FUCK*_ IM CHOPPING WOOD!!!!  
 **Vesemir** : _*sigh*_


	30. The idiot cookie mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you my lovely Idiot Syndrome Anon, I love it when you talk to me, such a treat on a grumpy day!

**Vesemir** : What are you doing up so early, cub?

 **Ciri** : Baking.

 **Vesemir** : I didn’t know princesses bake.

 **Ciri** : _*the kitchen is a complete mess* *so is ciri actually* *she got dough on her forehead*_

 **Ciri** : We do when we have been mean.

 **Vesemir** : Ah. Do you want help?

 **Ciri** : I need to do this myself.

 **Vesemir** : Alright. I’ll be over here if you need me. * _takes a stool and sits in the corner with a book*_

 **Ciri** : _*oh how she needs him*_ Thank you….

**Ciri** : I'm sorry Jaskier. _*holds out a bowl with a towel over it* *she looks small and guilty and determined*_

 **Jaskier:** _*rubs his eyes* *it’s super early still*_ What for?

 **Ciri:** I put you in a bad spot I just wanted you to talk, not to upset you.

 **Jaskier:** Im…. thank you, sweetling. _*she looks close to tears actually*_ Oh come here, tiny.

 **Ciri** : _*gets swept up in a hug* *see, this is why you love the bard*_ Im sorry...

 **Jaskier** : Those cookies smells divine.

 **Ciri** : …….. Vesemir helped me. _*meaning, he did them* *hers are burned crisps that lambert is preparing for experiments*_

 **Jaskier:** we should decorate them. _*mischievous smile*_

The witchers come down for breakfast.

In front of all the bowls are cookies decorated with flowers and words.

On Geralt cookie, there is one word and a heart.

_Idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not saying Jaskier is in on the mischief from now on, but....

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on Tumblr! Im Dapandapod!  
> <3


End file.
